A Diet Side Effect
Today, many people try to reduce their weight. Because people think that a person who is slim is more beautiful than a person who is fat. So people rarely eat something, instead they take a medicine what is for diet. But taking a medicine and eating a little amont of food are very harmful habits. A person who is my neighbor took a diet medicine, since then her health was undermined by malnutrition. Of course, proper diet is good, because overweight is dangerous too. But excessive diet is very harmful. And another person who is my neighbor increase her weight compared to original weight because of improper diet. And improper diet have a influence one's feeling. People who eat a little and take a medicine for diet feel unhappy and depressed. So I think that excessive diet is a poison.
Good job on your title! You also hook the reader by stating a fact that many people can relate to. You begin with a cause and then give some effects that are supported with examples. You end the paragraph well with an creatively written opinion. Good work!
답글삭제Writing tips:
Your second sentence is a dependent clause. It should be connected to your first sentence or another independent clause. This is explained on page 204 in your textbook.